Fitness Friday

Yes, it's finally Friday!

This week, I'm doing better with my fitness goals. I had to take a week off earlier in the month because my plantar fasciitis was acting up. Rather than injure it worse by plodding through, I decided to take it easy for awhile.

That was a good idea.

This week, I've made some gains with my 5K training. I did 8 minute-long runs and upped my running pace to 5.5 or 6 mph.

I went to yoga twice, and also decided to simplify my workout routine a bit more. As I hate to work out, the 6 workouts per week was beginning to wear on me. Rather than sending me out the door in a better mood with more energy, it was bringing me down. I was going to bed at 8:30 each night and not looking forward to the morning. There are certainly benefits to a morning workout. And the days I run/walk, I do feel a surge of added energy and a lift in mood. But, when I tried to do it every day of the work week (a.m. run M/W/F, a.m. strength T/TH, plus yoga p.m. T/TH, and strength Sun) I was burning myself out on fitness.

For some people, working out all the time is great. They look forward to it, and it's a number one personal goal. By working out so much, I actually began to feel that this goal was taking precedence over my other two (marriage/sex and writing/blogging). I only have so many hours in a day.

So I did a little time blocking session using Google Calendar. I color code my calendar based on several factors...mainly: work, reading/writing, family time & time to focus on Mr. D, fitness, housework, appointments, sleep, and events. If one color starts to take over, I know I have a problem. If a color is missing or rare, I also know I have a problem (sometimes).

I came up with a new, simpler plan that seems to be working better. I do my 5K training T, Th, and Sunday morning. I go to yoga T/Th evenings. I know I should be getting some strength training in, but...I'm just gonna let that one go for awhile.

Establishing routines (Fitness Friday)

This week wasn't too bad in the "setting a habit" department." I'm still not hydrating enough. I've got to find better was to make myself drink more water during the day, because I know it helps with focus, weight loss, digestions, and pretty much everything else.

Last Friday, I weighed in at 194.5 lbs. I know that weight isn't the best measure of progress, because when adding muscle, most of us gain weight (at least at first). And when toning, we often don't lose pounds, we lose inches. I'm cognizant of that, but I'm still weighing. This week, I'm ending at 198 lbs. FUCK!

Here's a run down of my week:

Fitness Friday

1. Today, I finally met or exceeded all of my activity goals (10,000+ steps, 3+ miles traveled, 2500+ calories burnt, 30+ active minutes, 250+ steps per hour). I came close Monday and Tuesday, too.
2 Wednesday and Thursday, I met my sleep goal (7 hours).
3. I did not meet water goal (64 oz.). Not once.
4. I haven't met my weekly exercise goal, but I'm only one day off, and I can get that on Sunday before the week is over (I've got 4 out of 5 days).
5. I lost 2 pounds (I've got 4.5 pounds to go until I meet my first goal - 190 lbs.).

Fitness Friday - Confessions Edition (depressing, to say the least)

I weigh 200 pounds. 

There. 

I was going to get to that later, but I figured, it's the thing that's raging my brain and making me crazy right now...it's the thing that makes me want to climb right back in bed, pull the covers over my head and just go back to sleep. 

Two hundred pounds. Two HUNDRED pounds. TWO HUNDRED pounds. 

Fuck.

So, let's get the excuses out of the way. I've been basically bed-ridden all week. I did go to work yesterday...AND yoga, finally...but the rest of the week, my ass has been parked.

I don't feel I've been eating any more than usual, but then, maybe my lack of awareness is part of the problem. I used to track everything I ate (using MyFitnessPal - which is a great app, BTW). Then I gave it up, because I didn't notice it helping me lose any weight. Awareness doesn't seem to fix the problem for me. Because awareness, alone, is not the same as motivation, and it doesn't motivate me to behave in ways I know will actually fix the problem...which is simply to move more and eat differently.

So, I'm frustrated.

I hate working out.

But, I hate being fat.

I guess I have to figure out which I hate more, yes?

Okay, stream-of-consciousness regrouping: rather than slipping back into bed and burying myself to avoid the problem (can't do that anyway...gotta go to work), I have no other choice than simply try again. I'm great at planning my strategy when it comes to fitness and health, but I'm terrible at following through. This can be seen in my plan of 3 workouts per week, which, so far this month, has only amounted to 3 workouts total. That is obviously not enough. I'm going to have to do something different. I hate working out so bad, but I'm going to have to find just enough willpower to create a daily habit. Yes, people, it's gonna have to be daily. And it's gonna have to be simple. 

Also, alcohol calories are killing me here. 

I drink too much.

The honesty is brutal here, guys. I'm 200 pounds and I drink too much. That sentence kind of makes me sick. So, I think I'm just going to leave that right there...and let it soak in. Admitting it feels good in a painful sort of way.

I sit on my ass too much...writing and reading. 

But, I love those things sooooo much.

New plan -

1. Treadmill daily, just to establish a simple habit of cardio.

(I'm going to have to start doing this in the morning - and I fucking HATE that - not only because I hate working out, but because it cuts into my normal relaxing/spiritual morning routine...but I think I am too unmotivated after work, and fitness is competing with too many things in the evening - like writing, errands, chores, family, reading, and time with Mr.D - I need to build a new attitude around working out. The fact that I so openly despise it is not helping matters at all.)

2. Start tracking food again, to see where I am going wrong.

3. Keep going to yoga class.

4. And of course...drink plenty of water and get more sleep (two more things that, I'm sure, help to keep the weight on, since I don't get enough of either).

5. Control alcohol intake.

Fuck me. Friday is off to a fabulous fucking start.

Narrowing my focus (Fitness Friday)

So, I totally realize nobody wants to read my boring "health and wellness" accountability posts. No one is interested in this project...and that's okay. These posts, I guess, are more for me, as a record of what I'm accomplishing over time...and to keep me honest, since I'm reporting to an audience.

This month has been a slow start for me in the "fitness" department. I'm not surprised by that. It's the goal I'm the least interested in working for, but one I am very interested in accomplishing. If that makes any sense. Basically, I hate working out. I'd rather sit around writing and reading books, in my pajamas, than cook a healthy meal, say no to another glass of red wine, or get up and go run.

But, I dislike the shape my body is in. So there's that. I have almost surpassed a mark that I have not gone over since I was 9 months pregnant...making me the heaviest I have ever been, without an excuse.

Here's a quick run-down of this week...

Sunday: So, last week, I didn't do so well with my fitness goals. I have decided that I haven't narrowed my focus quite enough. My three priorities this year are marriage, health, and writing. I've managed to narrow marriage down to sex, and more specifically "taking initiative." With writing, I've narrowed it down to blogging on a daily basis (including my favored memes) and the added challenge of the Smut Marathon. And health...even though it is made up of so many things, I'm just focusing on "getting started" and moving my ass. So, while I will try to take all my vitamins, get enough sleep, hydrate more, drink less, and eat healthy, my real focus is just going to be MOVEMENT: yoga at least 2x per week and cardio at least 3x per week. This is just a start; I DO plan to increase things as I go. But, for now, an hour-long yoga class and 30 minutes of cardio 3x per week (a mix of body-weight exercises and walking on a treadmill) are what I can commit to, both time-wise and willpower-wise. I realize progress will be slow, but I'm okay with that. If I only had one priority right now, I might be able to devote more to it. But, as is stands, and since balance is really a myth, I have to give my energy where it is needed most...my marriage.


Monday: Did it! It's only 7 pm right now, and I've already made 14,000 steps! Plus, I did my cardio workout and surpassed my mile goal, calorie-burn goal, and active minutes goal. I, however, pretty much failed miserably at my sleep goal, and I still need to drink another 32 oz before bed. Still, I'm proud of myself for finally beginning my workout regimen. I know it's only one day...but one day at a time, right? One fucking day at a time.

Tuesday: Yoga. Done! And it led me to this little gem of an epiphany. I did NOT drink enough water today, however...but I have been drinking less. I bought a bottle of wine on Sunday, and it's still not gone. that's one glass per night, folks! Progress. The real test will be when Mr. D is home...because when he drinks, I drink. I'm rather impressionable that way. I also did NOT make my 10,000 step goal. Guess I will have to get my ass up and moving more during my work day.

Wednesday: Each night this week, I have managed to sleep just a little bit more. And today, when I got home, I did not give into the excuses. I made a crappy, quick dinner and did my workout while it was in the oven. No apologies. Still didn't hydrate well, but almost got 6 hours of sleep! Why is that so fucking hard for me?

Thursday: Yoga. Done! I notice I get tired earlier as the week goes on. I definitely seem to start the week strong and then run out of steam by Thursday. I also tend to run out of motivation by then, as well. I have most of my energy and drive in the mid-morning before lunch and on Monday and Tuesday. Good to know for planning purposes, I guess.

Friday: Really crushed my rest day. Made my 10,000 steps, but went out for nachos and beers with the girls. And now I'm ready to sit my ass on the couch and watch TV. I'm not writing. I'm not commenting. I'm not working. I'm simply vegetating and marinating in the alcohol I have consumed.

On a super positive note...Mr. D is coming home tomorrow!!!!

The best laid plans...(Fitness Friday)

I have several books on my phone that I re-listen to periodically to remind myself of important concepts I have learned. I figure the more times I listen to something, the more likely I am to actually hear it. This week two concepts from The One Thing struck me, in relation to my New Year's goals. One is that you don't have to be a "disciplined" person; you just need to have enough discipline to develop a habit. When the habit becomes routine, you can maintain it without discipline. The book calls this selective discipline. The book also explains that we can only successfully implement this selective discipline to create one habit at a time.

When I heard that, I was struck by the fact that I may be trying, even with all my narrowed planning and prioritizing, to create too many habits at once.

This is rather obvious in the category of health & wellness.

Last year, I really focused on setting up a regular yoga practice. I did pretty well, too. And I'm continuing to do well. I wouldn't yet call it a habit, but it is definitely part of my regular routine. I'm pushing for five mornings a week (just 10 minutes), and I made four this week. I'm aiming for two to three classes per week, and so far I've made two. I think about it during the day and look forward to it. It's part of my thought process. So, even though I have to plan for it and fit it into my schedule, it's not something I have to force myself to do.

Exercise, on the other hand, is not something I want to do, so it's easy to put off or become to busy to attend to it. That happened this week. Really, I had no excuse Monday; I just chose to write all day and never got around to starting my program. I promised I'd make it up later in the week. I had an appointment Wednesday that ran late, and by the time I got home, I felt it was too late to workout. So I didn't. Again. And now it's Friday, and I find myself saying to myself...well, we'll just try that again next week.

Motivating myself to work out is hard...because it isn't something I enjoy. Motivating myself to go to yoga is easy...because I love it.

My health goals are maybe bigger than I had initially considered. Trying to improve my exercise habits along with sleep, hydration, detox, and alcohol intake is likely too much for my brain to take. And, based on what I listened to early this week from The One Thing, I'm not going to be very successful with any of them if I don't just choose one to focus on and let the rest go for now.

Side note, but related:
I heard a comedian earlier this week making fun of women who tattoo the word "breathe" on the inside of their wrists, as if it's stupid to have to remind yourself to keep up with a bodily function that is already going to happen without your interference or focus. I get the joke, of course, but I honestly do need to remind myself to breathe, and to get enough sleep, and to drink enough water, and to get up and move my ass. For some people, these things are just normal bodily functions that happen without much resolve or intention. I envy those people for whom these things are already habits.

I'm going to think about my fitness goals a bit more this weekend. With all the focus I'm putting into improving my marriage (which is a bigger priority for me right now), it takes away from the focus I can give to other things. My health is important, too, though. And it's not like I can really say, you know...screw my health until my marriage is back on track, because my health is actually a part of it. My health affects my attitude, my libido, my self-image, and my energy. And all of these things are directly tied to how I treat myself and others, namely my husband. So...I'm sort of stuck here. I feel like I have to attack all three of my priorities at once (marriage/sex, fitness/cardio, and writing/blogging) at once because they are all pivotal to my well-being.

Hmmmm....

Well, I guess next week is a new week, eh? So, I'll get back on the horse and keep riding. And if I fall off again, I'll just keep getting back on. This week, I didn't sleep enough, I didn't hydrate enough, I drank too much, I didn't have ANY real sex (ugh!), and well...I just didn't quite make any of my goals.

Introducing Fitness Friday

One of my goals for 2018 is to get myself back in shape. I know it has a lot to do with my self-image, energy levels, and therefore...my libido. In order to revive my sex life, getting back in shape is going to be a priority.

Like everything else, I'm taking this one step at a time...starting small, but progressing toward bigger goals. I chose health as one of my top three priorities (along with my marriage and writing) this year, and to hold myself accountable, I'm going to share my progress here once a week. I'm calling it Fitness Friday, and it will just be a simple update/reflection to keep me honest and connected to my intention.

I'm also keeping this simple. I like routine, and I hate exercise, so it has to be something that can be easily scheduled and done at any time, with minimal effort, preparation, and equipment. I have a treadmill, a yoga mat/blocks/bolster, five and ten pound weights, resistance bands, good running shoes, and a little space in my house.

There are a bazillion programs and possibilities out there, but here's where I am and what I'm starting with:

• 196.5 lbs (EEK! The heaviest I have ever been!)
• Size 16

(see below for current pics)

SLEEP - My goal is at least 7 hours a night (tough for me) and a 10 pm bedtime on weeknights, since I get up at 5 a.m.  I know that sleep impacts pretty much everything else...energy, weight, mood...so it's at the top of my priority list.

HYDRATION & DETOX - My goal is 64 oz. and I'm just starting to use a detox tea (Traditional Medicinals) each night. Like sleep, water is often the answer.

MOVEMENT - Running. Signed up for a 10K and am following the Zombies, Run! 5K training program and then the 10K training program (total = 15 weeks).

VITAMINS & SUPPLEMENTS - Smarty Pants Adult Complete with Fiber, Smarty Pants Probiotic, Adrenal Support with magnesium and hormone stabilizers (just added), and St. John's Wort (I'm currently off anti-depressants...so we'll see how this goes...I've used it before with decent results). I suppose these aren't necessary, but it makes me feel good to take them.

DIET - Of course there is always nutrition, as well. I don't diet...I just try to limit and moderate items that are bad for me. This means watching my sugar and carb intake and limiting alcohol and caffeine. Otherwise, I try to eat three meals a day and avoid snacking. We eat pretty healthily, so I'm not concentrating on this part of my health at the moment.

PICTURE - I'm not comfortable showing unedited photos of myself...mostly because I'm not proud. It's not that I hate my body...it didn't do this to me. I did this to my body. This is truly the most out of shape I have ever been, and though I can focus on my good attributes and only upload those images that flatter me, it wouldn't be honest in this context. So, here it is...this is where I am right now. I'll use the same camera, same underwear, same background, and same collage to show the "improvements" as I go. I've never fully committed to a plan like this, so I'm hoping that promising an audience that I'll keep it up will help me stay on track.