I've come to notice that I spend a lot of time looking back and planning forward, when what I ought to be doing most is living in the present.
Over the past several weeks, as I've redesigned my blog, I have found myself falling into my old tendencies, drawing from past hurts and reviewing what didn't work in my marriage. I want to be honest, and I know that backstory is important when creating a narrative. But, I'm tired of digging through the past. What I have noticed is that I tend to write when I am confused, angry, hurt, afraid, depressed, and sad. I use my writing to find order, peace, answers, and solace. But looking back at this writing only stirs up shit that is best left tucked away in a drawer or a computer file. When I sift through it, I become a bleak anthropologist...losing my way in all the disjointed fragments and stories, focusing on the broken and dysfunctional rather than the beautiful.
